HGTV vs. The View

My wife is a huge fan of HGTV (Home and Garden TV). It's an addiction of some sort, I suspect. One of the few things we ever argue about is how often the TV is tuned to that cable network. In my opinion, it has a huge assortment of idiotic programs, many of which involve people doing ridiculous remodeling of their homes in the hope that they'll be able to sell them. There's another show in which an "expert" takes items that a pack rat (putting it charitably) homeowner has accumulated and then auctions the hidden "treasures." One of my biggest objections to some of the remodeling programs is that no matter how intricate the painting (they love to paint patterns on walls), floor installation, or whatever, the team's final product never looks like something an actual person could produce. I'm pretty handy with tools, but in the real world, walls are never plumb, corners are never right angles, and nothing turns out looking perfect (except on HGTV). The show is just unrealistic nonsense.

Something happened recently that is worth noting. You know how people sometimes will preface a statement with "I never thought I'd say this, but...."? I heard myself saying something a couple days ago that really startled me. My wife was jumping back and forth between a couple of channels one morning and landed on one of those HGTV programs. The next thing I knew, I opened my mouth and said "I never thought I'd say this, but please put on The View."

"The View" is a daytime talk show with a group of women "hosts," including Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Walters (she owns the show but doesn't appear all the time), Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd, and the token conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Long ago, I found I was unable to make heads or tails out of the program, in which all of the participants seem to voice their opinions simultaneously and vociferously. I had no patience for the show, regardless of how pithy or timely their topic of the day might be, because they seemed to all be hollering at each other at the same time and I couldn't follow anyone's position. I've never been in a position to observe a group of women discussing anything amongst themselves; does everyone talk over or through everyone else? "The View" has been on the air since 1997, so the format must work for women viewers. Maybe it's a "guy thing?"

At any rate, I nearly clapped my hand over my mouth with astonishment when I asked my wife to put "The View" on. It certainly isn't that I like the show (although I do enjoy Whoopi Goldberg beating up Hasselbeck periodically). I don't have as negative reaction to it as I used to, but it's not on my Top 100 TV programs I have to watch. What it does demonstrate is how much I dislike HGTV. Even the Food Network doesn't annoy me as much.

Hmm. Maybe I can somehow set up parental controls on our cable to block HGTV? No, I'm not that stupid; that's one of those battles best left unpicked...